Over the course of my life, few things have remained
constant or true. I was never main stream or “normal”. I barely even know what
that is. Instead, I live in an ocean of constantly churning energetic change.
That’s the unfortunate part of being so connected to source. I feel its energy everywhere.
It’s unending. Independent points of chaos swarm within crowds. It feels like
walking into an operatic collection of voices that are in no way singing in the
same key. Disturbing vibes abound.
One
thing that has never changed is the understanding that I am not alone. From
imagined playmates (as a child) to real ones as an adult; this fact has never
deviated. I’ve had moments of profound isolation like everyone does. The
difference revolves to a point of insight. For whatever reason, I seem to have
a unique connection to the world beyond “life”. The dead don’t talk in words,
so it’s hard to explain. Instead, I mostly feel answers through emotions and a
strange inner knowing. In meditation, I catch glimpses of what life is like
within the light. People who’ve crossed become friendly points of routine focus.
It’s really quite bizarre (my normal).
When
I talk to my dead people, it’s not a two way communication. It’s more like
connections with an operator who relays info from a second party’s line. I can
see through the “light” but there’s no audio. My guides act as a conduit
instead. I meet with my team of guides in meditative moments. They meet with
the person I’m trying to contact. A translated dialog follows. The dead can
hear me just fine. I hear my guide’s relayed words. Answers flow from this
process.
As
a child, I thought this was normal. I fully believed that life was everywhere
(even apologizing to gravel for kicking it). The force created in dislodging
those tiny stones was felt deep within to be alive (same as me). It just seemed
right to ask forgiveness. When weeds were pulled and grass was cut, I hid. It
felt violent. I had no idea this wasn’t normal. Of course, I also thought the
entire world was catholic because no one told me differently. No one told me
much of anything really. I just assumed a lot.
Without
much guidance from parents, I got my truths from within. My outer world was
full of abuse and neglect. The inner one was far more magical. I don’t know
when I first learned to astral project, but I did it a lot as a child. Outside
my body, I didn’t feel so thrashed from other people’s energy. It just seemed
safer to detach. Once again, this was perceived as normal and continued until
someone told me differently. I’ve spent a good deal of my adult life trying to
recapture that past bit of normality and reclaim the magic I lost to conforming
ideals.
I’m
writing this blog as a personal effort to understand the premise of that lost
innocence. My guides have told me so much more than even I have dared to dream.
I want other people to understand that mine is not a unique experience. I
believe we all began life with that same perceived magic. Mine just took longer
to chase away. On some level, I fully believe we are all pining to chasing down
those lost moments that lead us back to the source we embraced as toddlers. The
ego is all about fighting to claim material goods and services. The outside
world prizes status and fame. I’m pretty sure that’s not why we’re here. The one
thing I’m certain of is that the real goal is within and waiting patiently for
the chaos to dim. You only need to understand the influence of the past
energies swirling about you and forgive yourself for letting them dictate so
much. Experiencing that lost magic boils down to the belief that it was ever
real.
